Neither here nor there - (7/7)
by Irasema Romero, Reporter
My family moved to the United States from Mexico when I was nine years old. Even though I became a naturalized U.S. citizen by the time I was 14, I still feel like a foreigner. So why, when I visit Mexico, do I also feel like I do not belong?
A Spanish saying clearly indicates my personal conflict, “Ni soy de aqui, ni soy de alla,” which in English translates to, “neither am I from here, nor there.”
I love Mexico, my people, our culture and the land. Does that make me less of an American?
When I first started school in the States, it was difficult to learn English and adapt to the new culture.
Even ten years later, when I believe I clearly speak the language, sometimes my Latin accent creeps into my conversations, which makes me feel self-conscious.
My father constantly reminds me the American culture is not mine. He believes that Americans have a different way of raising children and that because I am Mexican I have to follow what he has been taught.
For example, in Mexico most college aged people live at home and do not move out until they are married. The youth attend college in the city where they live and rarely go to an out-of-state university.
During my senior year in high school, my father and I were in constant discussions concerning the possibility of attending a nearby university and living in the dorms. Of course, because he knew that I could attend Eastfield and still live at home, we agreed on the convenience of attending a community college.
When it came time for me to transfer to a university, he had to put aside his life-long beliefs because he knew the importance of continuing my education. To tell you the truth, I really liked living at home for those two extra years.
My mother, however, has always advised me to embrace both countries because they are a part of who I am.
The United States has opened my eyes to many possibilities and a new mentality concerning what I can achieve. Today I call the United States my home, future, and passion. Because of this, am I sacrificing my true Mexican heritage?
In the past, I have been told that I am not really Mexican. I was shocked when someone told me that because I had embraced American ideals and beliefs, my true Mexican identity had been sacrificed.
I could not help but wonder what had changed about my life that could take away my true Mexican heritage. Had I been neglecting to acknowledge my birthplace?
Is that the reason why when I visit Mexico I feel out of place?
I love my family in Mexico but even though I see them often, I am still ill-at-ease, and we all know it.
For example with my cousin Sarai, who lives in Mexico City and is my age, our conversations do not feel natural. We clearly cannot relate. Our life perspective is not similar, thus our hopes and aspirations cannot be the same.
I plan to go to Mexico next year to study Spanish and improve my resume. When I visited this Fourth of July weekend and saw the university in which I would study, I quickly reassessed the possibilities.
This is supposed to be one of the best universities in Mexico and all the rich kids go there. But when I saw it, it didn’t seem as grand as private American universities, like SMU. It just wasn’t pretty.
“I cannot live here,” I told myself. Now, as I reflect on in, why does it seems too much of a stretch to temporally return to Mexico, my country?
I guess one can say that I was raised in Mexico, but I feel that I truly grew up in the States. Each country has made me the person that I am, they are deep within me. I am better for it because I have a wider perspective on life. If forced, I could not decide between one country or the other. It would be like choosing between my mother or my father, impossible. |
